Wedding Ceremony

Well, you’ve organised the date, a venue and your bridal party and now it’s time to plan the ceremony.  The wedding ceremony is the ‘nerve-wracking’ part, much like an end of year exam, that you must ‘pass’ before you can celebrate the after party (or in this case, the reception)!

Many brides and grooms find their wedding ceremony a very daunting experience, especially if they’re the shy type.  What could be worse than getting up in front of a large group of people and being the centre of attention?  Well, in all truth there are many things that could be worse.  If you think about it, this will be one of the most intimate and cherished moments of your lives.  The ceremony is what takes you from engaged to married couple and allows you to express your true feelings and life-long promises to one another.

If you are the nervous type, especially when it comes to speaking in front of others, then try to focus on your fiancé rather than your guests.  Imagine that it’s just the two of you, and you’re expressing your deepest feelings to him.  If all attempts at staying calm fail, you may find it easier to focus on the party that awaits you once you pass this part of the day!

The type of wedding ceremony you have will depend upon your individual needs and beliefs, and may therefore be either religiously based or a civil (legal) affair.  Either way, your wedding ceremony should be a refection of your individual personalities and values as a couple.

Before you decide on the style of ceremony, you and your fiancé should discuss your ceremony wishes with each other to ensure that you’re both on the same track.  For some, a traditional wedding will be the only way to go, whilst for others, a unique service like no other may be the ceremony of choice.

Once you have made this decision, you will need to organise an officiator.  You should arrange to meet with this person early to discuss your requirements, and ensure that you are all happy with the way that things are to proceed on the day.  Consult with your officiator in regards to any pre-marital requirements, especially if you have opted for a religious ceremony.  Some religions are very strict in regards to pre-marriage education and counselling.

Over the years, old marriage rituals have undergone a great deal of change.  Today, outdated and rigid marriage laws have become more flexible and couples may have more input when it comes to designing their wedding ceremony.  It is therefore possible for you to work with your officiator in creating something truly unique.

Generally speaking, there is an order of service for every wedding ceremony; however, your ceremony may proceed in any order that you wish.  Traditionally, all guests and parents of the bride and groom are seated, prior to the arrival of the bridal party.  The officiator and groom enter (along with the groomsmen) and stand at the front of the ceremony venue and on the left hand side of the aisle.  When the groom and groomsmen are ready, and the bride has arrived, the traditional order of service may be found within the following pages.

The wedding processional is one of the most exciting parts of the ceremony as the bridal party makes their entrance.   The air is full of anticipation as everyone eagerly waits his or her first glimpse of the bride.
At this point in time, music will usually begin and the bridesmaids commence their walk down the aisle.  The maid/matron of honour is usually the last to enter (staying closest to the bride).  The ushers or groomsmen traditionally roll out an aisle runner, for the bride to walk on, once the bridesmaids have made their entrance.

The ring bearer and flower girl (scattering flowers for the bride to walk on) are next to proceed down the aisle.
Once everyone is in place at the front of the ceremony venue, the music will usually pause and the officiator will request that the guests be upstanding as the bride makes her entrance. 

A second piece of music then commences as the bride enters.  The bride and her escort (traditionally her father) make their way to the front of the ceremony venue (with the bride standing on the left of her escort) where they are met by the officiator and groom.  The bride’s escort then takes their seat as the music concludes.

The Opening Commentary

During the opening commentary, the officiator introduces him/herself and welcomes family and friends of the couple.  He or she announces the purpose of the gathering and often requests that family and friends participate in the ceremony (in the form of prayers and support for the bride and groom).

The officiator will then speak a little about the couple and their philosophies of marriage, what marriage means to them and what it holds for their future.  He or she may also share some more casual remarks should he or she have come to know them well during marriage preparation.  He or she may also read an opening prayer.

The First Reading

The first reading usually follows the opening commentary and is most likely read by the officiator, a family member or close friend.  Readings may be religious, from the bible, or perhaps a poem or verse that the couple have selected.  This is obviously governed by the style and formality of the ceremony itself.

The Second Reading

The second reading will often follow the first, or may be read at another time during the ceremony (this varies from one ceremony to the next).  Once again, it is usually a bible reading, poem or verse chosen by the bride and groom.

The Giving Away

Traditionally speaking, the giving away, or presentation is where the bride's parents present her to the groom for marriage.  The officiator may ask the eminent question, “Who gives this woman…” which is then acknowledged by the person selected to officially give the bride away.  A more modern style approach may be your choice when it comes to the giving away.  Options may include:

• Giving away of the bride by her father, mother, brother, sister, other member of the family or a close friend.
• Giving away of the bride by both her parents.
• Giving away of both the bride and groom by their respective parents.
• The bride and groom giving themselves to each other.

The Declaration of Intention to Marry

This is also known as the ‘Declaration of Marriage’ or ‘Statement of Intentions’.  Basically, this is where the officiator asks the bride and groom if they have come of their own free will to marry.  Once the bride and groom have acknowledged that they have, the officiant may ask the illustrious show-stopping question, “If anyone has just cause why this couple should not wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace”!  With luck on your side, no one will comment from the audience and your ceremony will be peaceful

The exchange of vows is often seen to be point at which the bride and groom are officially married.  It allows the couple to pledge their solemn, unconditional promise to each other and should be made with the utmost honesty and sincerity.

Traditionally, the bride and groom face one another, with the groom saying his vows first, followed, in turn, by the bride.  There are essentially three styles that may be chosen to exchange wedding vows.
The first is where the officiator reads a list of questions to the bride and groom and seeks their response.  This is a very traditional way in exchanging vows, and is especially favoured by couples who may be shy or don’t like the idea of speaking publicly.  It may proceed as follows:

(Officiator) “Do you (name), take (name), to be your wife/husband?”
(Bride/Groom) “I do”.
(Officiator) “Do you promise to love, respect and honour her/him throughout your years together?
(Bride/Groom) “I will”

The second approach is where the officiator recites a few lines at a time, each of which is repeated by the groom and then inturn by the bride.  This is also a very traditional style of exchanging vows and allows the bride and groom to personally express their commitment to one another.  The words may be altered to add a personal touch.  An example may be as follows:

“ I (name)
Take you (name)
To be my wife/husband
I promise to share my life with you
And be true to you through the good times and the bad
Through sickness and in health
In poverty and prosperity
I will love, honour and cherish you
And remain forever faithful
As long as we both shall live”.

The third style is becoming more popular in modern times, and is where couples write their own vows. The vows are then pledged to one another, either bravely memorised or read from written notes.
 
An example may be:

(Name), from the moment I met you I knew you were the one.  When I am with you, I feel that I can be myself and I cannot imagine my life without you.  You have made me laugh and support me in all that I do.  You show a genuine interest in my feelings and listen to what I have to say.  You are my lover, my protector and my confidant, but most of all, you are my best friend.
Today, I want to make a promise to you and to myself, in front of our friends and family, to love, honour and protect you for all the days of my life.

It is traditional for the bride and groom to exchange wedding rings after stating their vows.  The ritual of placing a wedding ring on the bride’s finger dates back to the days of the caveman.  Upon marrying his bride, he would wrap circles of braided grass around her wrists and ankles in order to prevent her spirit from leaving her body. 

Over the years, the bands changed from grass, to leather, stone, metal, and these days, usually silver or gold.  The symbol of the wedding ring has also adapted over the years and today has a somewhat different meaning.  In our modern society, it is believed that because a ring has no beginning and no ending, it symbolises everlasting love. It is placed on the finger as a visible sign of the vows that have united the couple as husband and wife.  Traditionally, it is the duty of the best man to hold the wedding rings until it is time for the exchange to occur.

The ring ceremony and the wording within it differ from one marriage to the next.  In many ceremonies, especially religious ones, a blessing of the rings precedes the actual exchange. After the blessing, the bride and groom will usually repeat phrases at the direction of the officiator and declare their commitment to each other.  Some examples may be:

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

“(Name), take this ring as a sign of my everlasting love and fidelity.  In the name of the father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

“(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love.”

“(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love; and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

The Declaration of Marriage

At this point in time the officiator confirms that the couple have pledged their vows and sealed them with the exchange of rings.  He/she then officially pronounces the couple as Husband and Wife.  The officiator then traditionally invites the groom to “Kiss the Bride”.  The couple then share their first kiss together as a married couple.

The Signing of the Marriage Certificate and Register

Following the declaration of marriage, the couple and two witnesses (usually the best man and the maid/matron of honour) make their way over to an area set aside for the signing of marriage documents.  This involves the officiator, bride and groom and their witnesses to sign a marriage register and a marriage certificate.  This legally binds the couple as husband and wife.
Most couples choose to have another piece of music playing whilst signing the register and certificate.

The Final Blessing and Presentation

As the wedding ceremony draws to an end the officiator will usually say some final words and wish the couple well in their future as husband and wife.  He/she usually then congratulates the couple and introduces them to their family and friends (usually as “Mr and Mrs…”).

The Recessional

The couple make their way back down the aisle and out of the ceremony venue followed by the bridal party.  Family and friends will often congratulate the bride and groom on their way.  The recessional is generally accompanied by music.  Once outside the ceremony venue, the bride and groom may be showered with confetti, flower petals or rice (where permitted).  Traditionally this was carried out to bestow prosperity and fertility on the couple.